GRIEF

Grief is a universal experience, yet it is deeply personal and complex. Whether caused by the loss of a loved one, a major life change, or the end of a meaningful relationship, grief affects us emotionally, mentally, and physically. The five stages of grief, introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, offer a framework for understanding common emotional responses to loss. However, these stages are not linear and may be experienced in different orders or intensities.

WHAT ARE THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF?

The five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are not fixed steps but emotional responses that may overlap or repeat. Each stage reflects a different way of processing loss.

1. Denial

Denial often appears early in grief and acts as a protective response, allowing the reality of loss to be absorbed gradually.
What it looks like: Avoiding the topic, minimizing the loss, or disbelief.
Emotional response: Numbness or shock.
How to cope: Recognize denial as a natural response and seek safe support from trusted people or a professional.

2. Anger

As the loss becomes more real, anger may surface and be directed at others, oneself, or the situation.
What it looks like: Irritability, frustration, or resentment.
Emotional response: Helplessness and unfairness.
How to cope: Express anger through healthy outlets like journaling, movement, or group support.

3. Bargaining

Bargaining reflects attempts to regain control or make sense of the loss through “what if” or “if only” thinking.
What it looks like: Replaying events or imagining different outcomes.
Emotional response: Guilt or regret.
How to cope: Practice self-compassion and focus on what is within your control; therapy can help reframe unhelpful thoughts.

4. Depression

This stage reflects the weight of loss and its impact on daily life.
What it looks like: Withdrawal, fatigue, or loss of motivation.
Emotional response: Deep sadness or loneliness.
How to cope: Professional support can help manage persistent sadness and restore balance.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance is about learning to live with the loss, not forgetting it.
What it looks like: Adjusting to new routines and finding meaning.
Emotional response: Greater peace and emotional stability.
How to cope: Continue self-care and seek ongoing support as needed.

Grief is often misunderstood. For many people, their first introduction to grief theory is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While groundbreaking when introduced in 1969, this model was originally meant to describe the experiences of terminally ill individuals facing their own deaths, not those grieving the loss of someone else. Over time, it became widely viewed as a linear process, which has led to confusion and frustration for many whose grief does not unfold in this way.

In reality, grief is far more complex. It is fluid, non-linear, and deeply personal. Exploring alternative grief models allows for a more compassionate and realistic understanding of loss.

The Dual Process Model: A More Realistic Approach

One of the most practical and widely accepted grief frameworks is the Dual Process Model, which recognizes that grieving is not constant or one-directional. Instead, individuals naturally move between two modes:

• Loss-Oriented Processing: Actively engaging with grief through mourning, remembering, managing practical tasks, and allowing space for painful emotions.
  
  

• Restorative Processing: Taking breaks from grief by engaging in everyday or pleasurable activities—such as laughing, gardening, or watching a favorite show—that help restore emotional energy.

This model validates the experience of those who feel guilty for moments of joy while grieving. It reminds us that healing does not come from staying in sorrow, but from gently moving between grief and restoration.

Continuing Bonds: Redefining Healing

Continuing Bonds Theory challenges the idea that healing requires detachment from those we’ve lost. Instead, it emphasizes creating a healthy, evolving relationship with the loss—one that supports growth, meaning, and continued connection. Healing happens not by forgetting, but by carrying forward the values, lessons, and legacy of what was shared.

The Myth of “Getting Over” Grief

One of the most harmful misconceptions about grief is the belief that people should eventually “get over it.” In reality, grief isn’t something we move past—it’s something we integrate into our lives. While the intensity of pain may soften with time, the impact of loss remains and becomes part of who we are.

Grief is not a problem to be fixed, yet well-meaning responses like “they’re in a better place” or “you’ll find someone else” can feel dismissive. What grieving individuals need most is compassionate presence—someone willing to sit with their pain rather than trying to erase it.

Helping Children Navigate Grief

Children experience grief differently than adults, often in waves rather than constant sadness. They may express emotions through play, creativity, or seeking extra reassurance.

Caregivers often worry about distinguishing grief from typical childhood behavior. Rather than looking for a clear-cut answer, the most important thing is creating a safe, non-judgmental space where children can express their feelings authentically.

Finding a New Normal

The phrase “new normal” can be misleading, suggesting life must be lesser after loss. Grief doesn’t have to mean just surviving—it can also open the door to meaning, growth, and renewed joy. Post-traumatic growth shows that deep loss can foster strength, resilience, and new purpose, without ignoring the pain.

Grief is deeply personal, and there’s no single “right” way to navigate it. What matters most is allowing ourselves and others to grieve authentically. Through continued bonds, moments of rest, and discovering purpose beyond loss, grief becomes not about forgetting, but about carrying love forward in a new way.